Can you believe how much of an idiot you were when you picked up smoking?
You picked it up just because your friends did, you thought it was cool and you wanted to belong.
Some will argue that they picked it up because they were stressed-up. Fuck you. Did anyone ever tell you that nicotine & tar cures stress - your doctor? your parents? ... or your stupid friend who blamed it on stress just because he didnt wanna sound like a loser for wanting to belong.
And revisiting the cool factor, tell me... how on fucking earth can smoking be cool? You stink like shit, your breath smells like a dead rat, you have undead gums, your teeth turns urine yellow, you pant like a mad dog from walking up a fleet of stairs, girls turn off when you kiss them you dont get sex... COOL?!? lol.. fucking not cool.
But the problem is, and the very problem is, 10 years ago, it WAS cool! So cool that when you're so broke, you still allocate some money for smokes. So cool that sometimes you'll walk miles for a pack of ciggies when you're desperate. So cool that you go through shit just so you can smoke during your school break time. So cool you borrow lighters from strangers on the street just to light up your ciggie. It was that cool! How is that cool? honestly, i still dont know.
And im saying all this because im the exact idiot i was just describing.
Today, after more than 10 years, i realize that its totally not cool. And what took me more than 10 years to realize? I don't know, im just too stupid i guess. But good to know (im just being human) that there are still ppl who think its cool after more than 10 years. hahahha
So this is gonna be one of my new year resolutions in 2010. I've tried quitting for 2 weeks, twice - ended up smoking more. So this time around, I will be more realistic. I will take 1 year to quit, by 11:59:59, 31st December 2010. Any earlier, i see it as bonus.
I've actually started to consciously cut down. And in the process i've realized many things. For example, smoking is not really a physical addiction, even after 10 years. When im with my parents, i dont smoke for a few days and i do not suffer from retraction, from any claimed symptoms of flu or fever. You're just totally OK because when you're with your parents, they're like mental smoke repellants - you see them, you dont think of smoking.
And that kinda proves my hypothesis of it being more of a mental addiction, not totally but more of it. It's things that you do that triggers the brain to tell you that you need to light up a smoke now. Like going to the loo to do the morning business or when you're drinking coffee. And basing it on this claim of mine, i've managed to drop my morning ciggie.
My friends used to tell me that they cant dump without the ciggie. And this statement made me light one up every morning coz my brain has been telling my body that I cant take a dump without the ciggie. In this whole month, ive been taking my morning dumps without needing to light up a ciggie. So again, its a mental thing. Totally mental.
But after a month... im still smoking but at 30 - 50% less now... im starting to realize that its not always a mental addiction. There are 2 ocassions that trigger an intense urge to smoke, and its more than a mental urge... it feels somewhat physical as well.
1. Alcohol. When you start drinking, you body calls for nicotine, your lungs call for nicotine, your blood, your saliva everything calls for it..... When i was with my parents, i dont drink, so i discovered this later.
2. After hours of crunch time at work - you just fucking need a ciggie. And this is the most crucial because for the pass 5 years and for the next 15 years i believe, it will be crunch time every weekday at work. And this is hell something i need to address & overcome. Again, when i was with my parents, i dont work, so i discovered this later as well.
To overcome 1, i might need to quit drinking - which is an alternative im not willing to take yet. So ima try find ways to drink and overcome the urge.
And ima take the next year to think of a solution for 2....